Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
