I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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