everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
