I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
