The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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