I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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