I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
