That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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