How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
