And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I party with great urgency now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
