I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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