the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
