My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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