He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We need to rekindle our bromance
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
