It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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