This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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