At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
