Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
