Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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