just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
