you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
