I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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