I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
