just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
