I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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