It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
