It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
