I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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