how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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