mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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