what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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