When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
