I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
