a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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