All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
