I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
