oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
