How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
