all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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