my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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