Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
