i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
