i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
