did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
