fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
