put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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