Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
