my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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