Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
