I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
