His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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