we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
