So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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