I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
