your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
